“Turn on, tune in, drop out,” was the was the famous term coined in the 1960’s by psychologist Timothy Leary. The infamous quote encapsulated the state of the cultural revolution happening within that decade. Many have declared Buffalo Springfield’s “For What it’s Worth” the anthem of that decade due to its anti-Vietnam war connotations. It marked the beginning of progress in social justice and women fighting for a seat at the table. It was a time encouraging love, peace and understanding.
The peaceful undertones laid the groundwork for a study conducted by psychologist Albert Bandura in 1961 called the Bobo doll experiment. He posited that children learn more by observation and mimic the actions of their parents and the world around them, a theory that conflicted with prior theories demonstrated by Skinner or Freud. Skinner believed children are conditioned to behave with a reward system while Freud posited that children who are exposed to aggression frequently, would result in a less aggressive child. What did Bandura find? A child observing aggression was more likely to mimic the behavior. The bobo doll experiment revolutionized the way in which parents react to behavior as well as how to behave themselves in the home (Bandura, 1966) For more on this experiment check out the video!
(522) Social Learning Theory: Bandura’s Bobo Beatdown Experiments – YouTube
All the world is a stage, even at home.
Every second of every day in your home, in front of your children, you are acting. The stage? Your house. The audience? Your kids. This will be the most impactful show of your life. No pressure.
I once found myself in a situation in which a man walked up to my car as I was dropping my kids off at school in the morning. I rolled down the window and the man proceeded to yell obscenities at me. At some point during the four-letter word tirade, I deciphered that I had inadvertently blocked the man trying to exit the drop-off line. I had to channel the inner actor in me at that moment as I remembered my audience in the backseat. A spectator may have found the old me responding with the same energy, vehemently denying any wrongdoing. The new me responded with an apology, a calm tone and a solution.
Not only are these calculated responses important in these moments, but at home with our own kids as well. Research has shown that the way we respond to the emotions of our children is imperative in socioemotional development (England-Mason, 2020). Emotion-dismissing parents, or parents who try to minimize or invalidate feelings by saying things like, “get over it” are negatively impacting their development. Research has shown more behavior problems in kids who are unable to regulate their emotions. Praising when necessary and providing the scaffolding needed to set our kids up for success rather than shame them sets the pathway for a thriving and empathetic adult.
What is Scaffolding?
While the technical term for scaffolding in a construction setting is a structure necessary to finish the project, it is the metaphor used in parenting due to the practical uses it serves to get the job done.
Scaffolding provides the tools necessary to let your kid learn on their own. This doesn’t just apply to cognitive development, but to also develop the ability to process hardships and losses. It means listening to your son’s newfound interest in playing baseball and watching while he fails time and time again and working with him until he succeeds. It’s watching as they struggle with that puzzle piece and finding the strength inside to let him struggle until he asks for help. It’s teaching them the harsh realities of the world while helping them accommodate change. Scaffolding provides the proverbial structures kids need from parents and mentors around them to create resilience and confidence. It teaches them that in life, failures and losses are inevitable. How our kids develop fortitude is imperative in positive mental health in the next generation.
Coach Vince Lombardi of the Green Bay Packers said it best when he famously stated, “The measure of who we are is what we do with what we have.” Scaffolding is what we have. Who our kids turn out to be is dependent on that. Hey parents, it’s time for your closeup. No pressure.
References:
Bandura, A., Grusec, J. E., & Menlove, F. L. (1966). Observational Learning as a Function of Symbolization and Incentive Set. Child Development, 37(3), 499–506. https://doi.org/10.2307/1126674
England-Mason, G., & Gonzalez, A. (2020). Intervening to shape children’s emotion regulation: A review of emotion socialization parenting programs for young children. Emotion, 20(1), 98–104. https://doi.org/10.1037/emo0000638